Some of his "God-Talk" is due to his liking for archaic words: "thee, thy, thou, sitteth, saith, verily, ye, froward, us-ward, filthy lucre, twixt", and many more. But this Neanderthal really comes into his element in Presbyteries, where we overhear him grunting out his Palaeolithic "God-Talk" words: "anent, sederunt, in-hunc-effectum, pro-re-nata, seriatum". Enlightening isn’t it!

On those occasions when he visits the twentieth century, this giant puts on a pious voice. Instead of reading his Bible prayerfully, he has a "quiet time". This is when he is "a prayer warrior", "wrestling with God", "waging spiritual warfare" (all very quietly of course!). Instead of "I’ll carefully consider it" this giant says "I’ll pray about it", as if the Bible doesn’t tell him enough and God will send a telegram (extra revelation) to inform the giant about what to do in every decision. And when all the members of the giant’s family meet on Sunday (to hear the "intimations"), they apply "God-Talk" to the mere bricks and mortar: "House of God", "Sanctuary", "House of Prayer". I presume that’s why the giant’s offspring are frequently told "don’t run in the church". It’s not holy to run. (The real reason the little darlings should slow down indoors is to avoid smashing their skulls on solid timber). When people sneeze, the reply in the "God-Talk" language is "Bless you!" (based on the pagan idea that God has blessed you in allowing you to sneeze out a demon). What "chapter and verse" is that again? (There I go with more "God-Talk"). And the giant shows his agreement with something by the customary "Amen" or "Allelujah" or, if he’s into dynamic equivalents, "Praise the Lord"!

When the giant has an idea, he never calls it an idea, or plan, or suggestion. No, much too normal, those words. He goes to his "God-Talk" dictionary and uses much holier words and phrases, like "I have a vision", "I have a burden", "The Lord laid it on my heart", "I felt led", "I feel called of God", or the very authoritative "God told me". That man has "words of knowledge". When he describes the nitty-gritty of daily life it is never as normal as ‘acting according to Biblical principles’: rather it is the highly mysterious "being open to the leading of the Spirit". Though the giant still doesn’t know what this means, it hopefully indicates that he "has an anointing", he has "the unction of the Spirit". Giant folk-lore has it that "if you talk the talk you’ve got to walk the walk". There is some neat "God-Talk" to cover everything. Problem solving is simply a matter of "let go and let God". Facing persecution is simply "turn the other cheek" (ie let the wicked walk all over you). The complex matter of Biblical interpretation is simple in ‘God-Talk’: "God said it, I believe it, that settles it". Bearing testimony to a watching world can be silent (the sign of the fish, or, in advanced cases, a fish plus the Greek writing icquj ), or it can be audible ("honk if you love Jesus"). The profound depths of the gospel are reduced in ‘God-Talk’ to "Smile, God loves you" or even worse, "God loves you and has a wonderful plan for your life" (please address further enquiries to P.O. Box 666, Gomorrah).